|
"A
Mighty Fortress is our God," that well known hymn belted out
from the pipes of my church's organ. When I was child, I thought
a fortress was a place that housed half-dead men from a war's bloodshed.
The hymn reminded me of war, and I hated bloody battles and all
they entailed.
I
pondered the words of this hymn and came to a conclusion. "This
song doesn't inspire me. I am an inside girl not one on the frontlines."
It
was a song I did not enjoy singing, so I focused on the rays of
sun streaming through the stained glass windows and how the reflecting
colors lit up the pastor's baldhead.
As
I was growing up struggles abounded in my life. I faced the reality
of having severe learning disabilities and certain other limitations.
My lifelong dream of earning a college degree was dashed, relationships
I desperately needed floundered, and I felt I was thrust into a
world I was not qualified or able to live in. In the midst of all
this confusion I wanted rest and to have some kind of stability.
In the search for a place to unburden my struggles, God got my attention.
He
began leading me on a journey that would transform my life. "A
Mighty Fortress is our God", began to have a comforting meaning.
When
I first became a Christian, I was new to putting my trust in the
Lord, and I started seeing how I would grasp and grope. What I mean
by that is I tried to reach out and find my worth and happiness
in things, jobs, relationships, and material items. It was like
an inborn drive that wouldn't go away. The scary part is that I
can't remember not doing the groping and grasping.
When
I was a young child I thought if I had lots of toys I would be supremely
happy. But all the toys left a bigger void. Growing up through my
unattractive and gangly years I believed that once my rail thin
physique was filled out and I had much-needed cosmetic surgery to
correct my overbite and bucked teeth I would feel fabulous.
This
was a big dream. I was sure I would have all the confidence in the
world. The surgery did do a 360, and I looked a whole lot better
but it didn't bring lasting satisfaction. The desires for a refuge
still burned deep in my heart.
During
the time I was trying to find meaning in things God's hand was at
work. The process was a bit uncomfortable. For instance, because
of my weaknesses I am unable to work a full time job. I have lost
many jobs because of my challenges. Being called into the boss's
office and being told that I was a kind and generous worker followed
by the dreadful news that the company was letting me go was painful.
Once
at a Nursing Home I worked as a Nursing Assistant. When my supervisor
shared the news that I was going to be let go she said something
that cut deep into my soul. She told me the things I already knew
about my weaknesses, and then she expressed that I was a danger
to the elderly.
The
people who I loved serving I could no longer attend to because of
being a threat. It hurt, but amazingly I saw His hand working through
the depressing trials I experienced. I was being torn away from
the things I found my self-worth in and left bare without anything
but Jesus to grasp onto. I was not aware of His presence all the
time during those painful instances, and I did not know what He
had in store for me.
He
revealed my weaknesses and for a time He had me examine them but
not for long because he wanted me to focus on His strengths. In
his own subtle way through these trials he kept motioning for me
to come to Him.
.
Like
any sinner I didn't want to give up what I now consider "worldly"
comforts because I thought they were better than what the God of
the Universe had to offer.
I
licked my raw wounds and at that time I cowered away from accepting
any job that would be more suitable for my condition. I was terrified!
Through all my failed hopes, dreams, and expectations of myself,
I began to see how I needed to know our wise God more. In experiencing
the rejections, the upsets, and the terrible news I found the only
place I wanted to be was in that fortress, that refuge of being
in the will of God. A Mighty Fortress is our God was the place I
wanted to be.
By
surrendering myself and admitting that I am nothing without Christ
I found Jesus our never changing Lord welcoming me to find rest
in Him. Now that I have been through some battles, I realize I would
have despaired if it wasn't for the Savior's love, and so I press
on.
The
journey has been tough and I expect to have more battles maybe even
worse ones than before. Yet this stage in my life I have great confidence
in the Lord Jesus. He is my Savior and the only Man up until this
point in my life that was willing to die for me.
He
is giving me an abundant life. He is my Rock. Whatever battle I
must face I have the confidence that He will come alongside me.
Every time he does, I will welcome Him with open arms ready to receive
His help. And I take great joy and satisfaction in the fact that
the end of my life story is already written. I will be with Him
forever!
I
will live out the rest of my days having full assurance that He
is there with me and ready to lead. I now savor the words of Martin
Luther's hymn, A Mighty Fortress is our God. What is better
in life than knowing that Someone is protecting you that is more
powerful than the greatest leader here on earth?
How
beautiful it is to travel far from home and to know the great Comforter
is right there with you as you lay down for the night in an unfamiliar
place. The joys are never ending when we live out God's will for
us in our lives. By trusting in Him, and by humbling ourselves as
Jesus did we can find fulfillment in our God.
Whatever
battles we may face there is a place for the healing of our souls.
I invite you to find your fortress, in God. He is our rampart where
we can hide in our battles and the invisible armor HE blesses us
with will protect us from the affects of the raging wars that will
inevitably come. Take heart, and remember "A Mighty Fortress
is Our God."
|