Listening to someone and then offering to pray for them sounds simple. Jot a few notes, pray once a day or now and then and get busy on work, chores, or doing something fun. But learning how to listen became something of an art for me. My face told too many stories to my friends about how I felt and sometimes made it hard for me to be a good friend.

If I was shocked, angry, judgmental, or confused people could see it on my face. My expression could easily shut down communication with my friends. When they felt that I was judging them, they quit talking and sometimes quit being my friends. The Lord began to teach me about my judgmental spirit.

He reminded me, “therefore there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.” (Rom. 8:1).

I loved reading that verse; I needed to know that God did not condemn me because I had put my trust in Christ. I couldn't just happily claim this verse for myself, however, and then condemn my friends who believed in Christ too.

God is responsible for dealing with each of His children about our sins and I learned I didn't need to be in the business of throwing stones. So when I learned to listen, I also had to learn to not judge the person I was listening to. As a follower of Christ, I, too, could sin, and so I had no business condemning anyone else.

I learned to pray for friends to be “strengthened with all power according to His glorious might so that you might have great endurance and patience” (Col. 1:11-12). My role as a listening friend was to build up and encourage.

I had to learn to school my face to not show everything that I was thinking, but I also had to learn to think differently about others. Friendship wasn't only about actions but about my heart. The changes took time, reading God's Word, and praying for my own attitudes to change. I haven't arrived, but I'm on the road.

In the next column, we will explore more about praying for others.

(Nancy Landahl, Copyright 2008, all rights reserved.)

As a single woman, I have gone through many transitions since I first came to know Jesus Christ as my Savior during my sophomore year of college. Campus college groups helped me to grow spiritually and friendships developed that still endure after 35 years. Friendships ebb and flow over time but during the years that I have become isolated either by choice or circumstances, my walk with Christ has also been affected.

I have seen God use times of isolation to deepen my dependence on Him, but I have also withdrawn intentionally from friendships when I was hurt and in need.

One of the things that I have learned in my walk with Christ is that I cannot live in a vacuum. Christ intends for me to be in relationships with people. Some of these develop at work, some through Bible Studies and some God just seems to set in place.

This column will explore some of the dimensions of friendship. It is not a manual for friendships or a scientific analysis. It is simply observations about friendship and how God may work in friendships to help us to grow. I hope that some of these observations may inspire others in their friendships as well.

About Nancy

Nancy Landahl has a Master's Degree in Accounting, a Bachelor's in Biology and is also a CPA. She has been a manager in a Fortune 50 oil and gas company, a consultant involved in business process transformation, and a writer for consulting firms.

During the last decade or so, Nancy, who is single, became the caregiver for her mother. They shared a home in Richmond, Texas until her mother passed away in 2001. Nancy enjoys the company of Pippin and Meridoc, her two active and energetic cats. She is active in Grace Community Bible Church in several ways. She leads a woman's small group Bible study, works part time as a business administrator, and has worked with her Pastor to help ministry teams. Her personal ministry is intercessory prayer.

Nancy's personal testimony of faith follows:

"As a freshman at Colorado State University in 1969 I felt alienated and alone. I saw the world as a meaningless "rat-race." (You get up each morning to go to work to pay the bills so that you can eat and sleep and get up each morning to go to work...) The sixties were also a time of turmoil, with anti-war protestors, "flower-children," communes and drugs. I knew I needed a reason to live and a purpose to fulfill, but I didn't find it during that year.

In my sophomore year I was in a co-ed dormitory and met some Christians who invited me to go to church with them. Pastor Siemens taught the college class and also preached the sermon. As I listened to him in the college class I thought: "I don't like this man and I don't like his teaching; he's patronizing."

The morning service didn't touch my heart either. I went back in the evening because the church served students a hot meal-the dormitory food was just sandwiches. I remember Pastor Siemens teaching about "children of the darkness and children of the light" and I knew I wanted to be in the light.

At the invitation to come to the altar to pray, I went forward and prayed with a deacon to receive Christ as my personal savior. I was baptized soon after that and began to grow spiritually through the church teachings and Bible studies. More than 35 years have passed since I accepted Christ, and I am still on the journey of faith."